So let’s talk…

So growing up I was always taught that your virginity is supposed to be sacred, something that you save for someone you really care about. I’ve seen movies and read books where a girl’s first time is supposed to be special with their boyfriend, something that loves them and they love back, but if we think about it how often does that really happen.

I went to facebook and asked multiple groups was their virginity saved for someone special. The women that responded to my question were 50/50 for if they lost their virginities to someone special. Some of the women admitted to just wanting to get it over with, some were taken without permission and others were taken by the women’s boyfriends at the time. From the post, some women went on to tell stories of how they lost their virginities. A lot of women admitted they more so cared about the experience over the person they lost it to.

All this got me to thinking about my first time. It wasn’t with someone special, not with my high school sweetheart. It was with a guy I was dealing with at the time. We weren’t in love, we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. It was honestly a funny situation now that I’m looking back on it. When it came down to it me losing my virginity I just wanted to wait until I was at least 16, which I did. After that, I kinda did it more so because everyone around me was doing it. I was one of the only girls out of my friends who weren’t having sex, so when the opportunity presented its self I took it. Sex for the first time wasn’t that big of a deal to me if I’m being honest. Do regret it? NO. Do I wish I would have waited? Yes.

I only say I wish I would have waited because the guy I lost my virginity to, although he was a friend and we still converse to this day. He wasn’t anyone special in my life looking back. He didn’t and still doesn’t hold any value to my life. If anything I was a notch under his belt. I don’t feel any kind of way about it because at the end of the day I had a choice and I decided to do it. After I lost my virginity I cried. Literally sat in the bed in my bra and panties, cover wrapped around me and cried. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I felt like I should have waited for someone I was connected to more. Maybe I wished the experience was more pleasurable, more intimate, instead of being a random act of hormones. Overall it’s over and done with. I did learn to be more selective with my body and who I let inside me. The way I lost my virginity showed me I could have valued it better and myself more.

When it comes to sex in high school, where most of us start having it, I think its a lot of pressure to do it. I know personally, a lot of my friends started young when it came to having sex. I would hear them talk about how it made them feel and how much they enjoyed it. Then you have the guys that always wanted to lead the conversation to sex, if we’re being real it was overwhelming. Honestly looking back on it having sex for the first time wasn’t a big deal to me. It didn’t go on for a long time, I remember a little bit of pain but outside of that it was over pretty quick and then I moved on.

If I could go back to my younger self would I tell her to do something different? Of course, I would! I would tell her that just because everyone around you is having sex doesn’t mean you should feel like you have to. I would tell her that the person I lost it too wasn’t worth it and to keep y’alls relationship how it was and don’t take that next step. More importantly I would tell her sex didn’t even get enjoyable until I was like 20, so don’t wait your time lol.

Back to a serious note though. When it comes to girls and our virginities I don’t think they’re valued like they used to be. A lot of us want to wait until we meet that special person until peer pressure and hormones take affect then it’s like all common sense leaves us. I believe that it’s more so the experience that counts more than anything. Of course, you want sex to be with someone meaningful, especially your first time. Your first time is something you remember for the rest of your life, but I think they experience how it happens sticks with you more than anything. If you’re with someone that takes the time to learn your body, to go slow and show you what to do, someone that wants your first time to actually feel good for the both of you, then I say you’re good. I don’t have kids but I do have nieces. If I could tell them one thing about sex it would be to wait until they’re comfortable and don’t let anyone make them feel like you should be ready when they want you to be. I even read some other peoples stories on losing their virginity: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-i-lost-my-virginity-awkward-stories_l_5c9d56e5e4b0474c08cb33bd.

When it comes to waiting for the “the right person”, well I don’t think that’s all that matter strictly because people break up and change every day. At the moment that person may have been special but what about years from now is that person still special? I’ve heard girls talk about how they hate the person they lost their virginities too now but at the time they loved them. I’ve read stories about girls who are still with the guy they lost their virginity too. Hell, I know girls that don’t even speak to the guy they lost their virginities too. So all that waiting for the right person thing is vauge. I believe in finding someone that makes you comfortable and someone that cares about how you feel, and of course you want feelings involed it makes it more initmate.

We all love talk about sex so if you guys loved this article then you’ll love another one written by my call “Should The Number Of Sexual Partners Matter“.

I would love to hear what you all have to say about this topic. Let me hear your opinions in the comments!

Xo,

One thought on “How special is your virginity?

  1. I am a firm believer in taking a car for a test drive before buying it, the same for sex. I don’t think it should be made that big of a deal to save sex for marriage because what if you’re incompatible with your husband. Then you’re stuck in a sexless marriage and hurting someone you love. Of course, sex shouldn’t be the end-all, be all of your relationships, but it is important to know if the person you are promising the rest of your life to is compatible to your wants and needs.

    That being said, my first time was not great. I lost it to my boyfriend at the time because he wanted to have sex. We had done other forms of sex before penetration and they felt good, but I didn’t want to lose it to him and only did so because he wanted it so badly. It wasn’t taken from me, I had sex of my own free will, but I wish I would had waited for someone who actually cared about me. I knew me and that boyfriend weren’t going to last.

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